This week I interviewed my eldest daughter Alexandra Sophia. She and I have a very special bond. I was a young 22-year-old college student when I gave birth to her. Even though I am her mama, she is truly by best friend. We talk about everything and nothing is ever off the table in our relationship. So, this week, I wanted to chat her up about dating in 2021 versus my dating days in the 90’s. Let me just tell you, it was full of lots of giggles.
Alexandra is an actress and finishing up her junior year at UCLA majoring in Theater and minoring in Chicano/Chicana studies.
I was 20 in 1998 and the rules of dating have changed so much and just don’t apply anymore. COVID of course has furthered the difficulties of meeting someone. I need to understand why your generation doesn’t just pick up the phone to call each other?
For me, personally, it's just easier to pick up the phone and send a text or Snapchat the person you like instead. Since you didn't have social media back then, you called people. I have mixed feelings about social media in general but it's easier to flirt with someone starting out over an app or texting versus calling.
Come to think of it, it really is just more complicated these days because there's so many different apps and avenues for you to reach out to someone. Calling just isn't really a thing anymore!
As a retired dater, these were some of the rules of dating: your date picking you up, planning the date, if that person liked you or if you liked them you would pick up the phone and call. For me, the men that I dated always, always picked up the bill. What “rule” would you like to see more of in your generation?
I feel like getting picked up or hit on still happens now but it just doesn't feel as authentic. One thing I wish would come back are love letters! As my mom, I know you have practically a binder of "love letters" from your first, real crush and I think that's just so cool! I would just love to be sent a nice letter and I DON'T MEAN a DM! That is so different! A hand-written letter even just saying "I like you", I mean, done! Let's get married!
Ghosting is still a real thing. But I feel like ghosting now is worse and much more hurtful because of social media. What are your thoughts?
Social media does make ghosting more hurtful and I've even done it myself - gosh! I hate to admit that! But it's true. The thing with social media is because you can literally see it! So that's definitely more hurtful because back in the day you could make up excuses for a person and let your mind kind of wander. But today, you can see that person is active and they clearly are looking at their phone but chose not to respond to your message.
How do you feel about all these dating apps?
I use them! I've used a plethora but I have my favorite. Hinge is definitely my favorite because I find that my "type" of guy is on there. I used Tinder, years ago but now it's grimy! But then there's Bumble and I just do not want to make the first move. The guy should ask me out! Now ultimately, I have a fantasy that some cute, 26 year-old businessman is going to see me at Trader Joe's and pick me up because I want to manifest that for myself! Honestly though, I hate to think that my "love story" is going to be that I met my future husband on an app. I really hope to the universe that I say that. I just don't want to say that. I'd MUCH rather say, "Oh, we met at Trader Joe's!"
Connect with Alexandra -Alexandra just booked her first paid short film and you can connect with Alexandra on her instagram, @alexandrasophiaruiz.